Reality, Is it really that bad?

by - Monday, September 07, 2015

Have you ever sat there and thought, is this really my life? Why am I dragging myself out of bed, forcing myself to go to work and doing a job that isn't my destined career choice? Is this how the rest of my life will be? Sadly for me the reality is, that I can't afford to be picky about what job I do. However much I'd like to hand my notice in to work on my blog for a living, the reality is that I can't, because I have bills, a mortgage, a car and other things that I have to pay for. My regret isn't the job I am doing now, as I actually quite enjoy it, but the fact that I wasted so much time in school means I am not doing a job that I love and I am having to work twice as hard, towards a degree - especially as now I am classed as a mature student pahhh! - so I can work towards my ideal career. Whatever that may be. And when I think about it, is my life really that bad?
Thinking back to when I was at school, I could have done better. I could have actually gone to school instead of deciding to hide in my local café with a pot of English breakfast tea and a packet of cigarettes (world class skiver - yes probably not one of my best life choices) but at that time, it was better than facing reality and going into school where I would be faced with the numerous bullies who used to call me names, push me about, spit at me, put chewing gum in my hair and just in general, make me feel like utter shit. In an ideal world, I would have been able to fast forward my life until I was around 17 when I had finished at school - and no longer saw any of the people who made my childhood pretty darn crappy – and realised, none of it mattered. None of them mattered. And really, me not having any clear career goals and a very little education was my own stupid fault for letting people get to me.
There are far too many people who experience some form of bullying in their lives and it’s sad! Whether at school, at work, verbally, physically, mentally or over the web – it’s all BULLYING. Social media is rapidly becoming a place where videos of people bullying others are shared regularly, it’s disgusting to see how many people like, comment and share these kind of videos. What happened to girls sticking up for girls? What happened to everyone just being friends and enjoying your adolescence? Instead, there is a growing need for people to be “top dog”, for you to be the “popular kids” and for you to be the ones who everyone is afraid of. But why? What would make some you want to make other people feel shitty about themselves? For no reason whatsoever, but just for a “laugh” or because you think its “cool”People don’t realise the effect that it has on others, how it makes the victims feel and how it affects their life.
I hold my hands up and say, that I do partly blame the bullies for me having a GCSE grade that resembles the word fudge and for me not really knowing what career path I wanted. But I mainly blame myself, I blame myself for letting people get to me and not sticking up for myself so I could sit in the class just like everyone else and get the education I deserve. Instead I let these people bring me down, make me cry myself to sleep and made me think that “I didn’t need to put up with this shit” and decided not to go to the lessons where those bullies were.
I’d like to think that I am quite a strong, opinionated and independent woman now (All the women. Who are independent. Throw your hands up at me. Sorry!) and if I wasn’t bullied or had a shitty school life, maybe I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Everything happens for a reason, and despite me – back then – wishing that I wasn’t bullied or left out and made to feel a lot like poo, then I wouldn’t be who I am today. And without sounding big headed, I am proud of who I am and what I have achieved.

At the age of 19 I got my first proper job with my first proper wage, at the age of 22 I bought my own house with my fiancé after saving up for a deposit. I bought a new car and paid for it by myself. My fiancé and I have added to our family with Pepe the pug J. At the age of 25, I am paying and supporting myself to study a Bachelor of Arts degree alongside working full time and in October (holy shit, in 7 weeks!) we get married after saving up over the past 3 years to pay for it all by ourselves. 

"I would rather be a little nobody, then to be an evil somebody"
Abraham Lincoln

Okay, so I don’t have my dream career at being the ‘worlds best blogger’ (if there was ever a job) with every top magazine wanting me to write features for them, nor am I my own boss and instead I am working in an office under a “chain of command”. But I think that I have done pretty darn good, all by myself. I am happy with my life, and I am proud where I have got myself. So instead of blaming the bullies for being the reason I had little education and no career choices, I thank you. Because if it wasn’t for me skipping school, learning to be my own best friend and for me learning how to be independent in life then I wouldn’t have achieved all what I have by myself. I wouldn’t have met my amazing fiancé have been able to pay for a house that is owned by us (mortgage, obvs! I am not minted)and I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

*All images included in this post were soured from Pinterest*

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