So, when are you going to have a baby?

by - Wednesday, October 12, 2016

There's never a right time to ask someone when they're going to have a baby, or if they're already parents, when they plan to have more children. Yet it's a question that has popped up at least every week, since the moment I got married. Whether it be from family members who are just wanting us to take the next step, or friends who are just wondering when we're going to be starting the next chapter in our life. But it's a question that makes a conversation uncomfortable. It's a question that is hard to respond to. It's a question that you shouldn't have to answer. I mean, how do you answer it? And do you even have an answer?
Although, the question may be asked in complete innocence, or by people who are just a little curious. The bottom line is that whether you're unable to have children naturally, or you're not ready to have children, or even if you've already made the decision not to have children at all, it isn't anyone else's business, nor is it a question you should feel pressured into answering. 

You don't owe anyone an explanation.

Albeit, some may see it more as a personal question, than one which would lead to feelings of upset. But, realistically, you're never going to know whether someone is struggling with infertility problems, or is grieving a miscarriage. Having a baby naturally, or even at all, isn't always on the cards for some - myself included. Whether you're a woman in her 30's, a newly wed couple, or been married a while, it's none of anyone else's business when, or if, you decide to have a baby.

It's impossible to know the thoughts running through someone's mind, when they're asked such a personal question. Take myself for example, if I were to be completely honest with someone, it would just make the conversation completely uncomfortable. And that isn't a position I'd want to put someone else in. Yet, on the contrary, the question asked will in fact put me in an awkward position. If it's someone close, then of course, I wouldn't mind explaining the truth, that I just don't know if it's possible yet, and even if I can. But, for those who I'm not too close with, I'm left faking a smile, pretending that I'm okay, and that I'm just not there yet. 

A baby? I already have one, my husband.

No matter what answer I give, it doesn't make it any less harder to explain. Because being honest, whenever I get asked the question, it makes me wonder about whether I'll actually be able to have children. Or whether it will be a lengthy process, that will just prove disappointing in the end. And is that a position I want to put myself in? Being told at the age of 25, that you have a high risk of preeclampsia, miscarrying or still birth, and that you have extreme difficulties being able to conceive naturally and will need IVF, or that you may experience problems carrying a baby to term, is heartbreaking. It's a decision that is potentially being taken away from you, without being able to control a single element of it. 

Although I've told myself in the past that I didn't want children, I suppose it's because I thought it would be easier to process. To make myself believe that it's just not for me, rather than being left upset and disappointed. But, that would be selfish of me. To take a decision like that away from my husband, and myself. Because, if you don't give it a go, then you'll just never know. And life's to short to think about what if's. Medicine has developed so much over the years, that there are so many alternative options for couples wanting a baby. And even though it isn't a simple process, it's something I'm prepared to try. 

I know, in reality, these options aren't always available for everyone. Sometimes, sadly, there just isn't anything you or anyone else can do. Bottom line is, if someone wants to share their personal plans, then they'll tell you. If you're curious, then just sit back and wait until they decide to tell you themselves, should that be their decision. 

*This post was not sponsored or in collaboration. But was written as part of Endometriosis, PCOS, and Infertility week.

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